Mom called. I don't think she understands how much that tears me up inside. She doesnt call...she doesnt come see even though I live so close...she doesnt go to my track meets...doesnt care that I made semi's for lsmsa...and then outa the blue she just calls me up and pretends that nothings changed; pretends that she knows me.
I moved out to make her life easier. She loves my sister Chrystal and believes she'll get over her addictions. She figured if she ould be in a safe enviornment with her kids everything would change. She Chrystal her three kids and the man who melosted me all happily moved in. Chrystal and tobe always left for their drugs, and mom left to be away from her grand kids, so i was stuck with everytihng; helping them with their home work before I ever thought of doing mine, feeding all of them, cleaning, making sure they were all safe...and I just couldn't take it. Mom thought they would stay and watch their kids if they had their own room...so I left. Shee didn't seem to care. She's barely talked to me since. I've been through so much and given everything I could for her. I love you mom, can't you see that?
I feel like cutting...but apparently writing it out is better. I'm just SO mad. I don't know why I'm mad... I just want to scream. I took my anger out on the wrong person adn the tears wont stop. She doesn't want anytihng to do with me...she was calling to ask about food, because if she buys my food for at my brothers house (on food stamps which I'm listed under her for) dad would still give her child support. It wasn't even about me...she's never really called just about me. AAAHHHH! Why can't it just me about me? just this once. I give up... wrote a song... want it all to just stop.
Stay Strong
-brooke
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Again
I'd almost forgotten about this place. It's been so long now and so much has changed. I couldn't stand mom constantly leaving me for Charles... leaving me with my sisters children, so I left. I'm living with my brother now, and my life has never been better...but my sister Chrystal has lost it. She left her three kids alone and hasnt been back for weeks. She has tons of warents, steals things constantly...inncluding my moms car, addicted to more drungs than I even know about and is begining to believe her own lies. It amazes me how she continues down this path. I want things to change. I want life to be okay again. I want to remember who it is I used to be and love inside. Somehow in all the choas I've lost myself and my searching in silence continues to shatter at the closest moments. I suppose I've caught things up...
Sunday, June 7, 2009
NNNEEEWWW
Like I said: it's been a while since I posted here. I now have a new boyfriend. Well he isn't really knew to me, but considering how long it's been since I wrote on here... Anyway, his name is Alexander. I call him ALex, his friends call him A.J. He's younger than me by a few months and it's pretty new to me as well. He actually shares the same birthday as my bestfriend Brooklyn.
His life is just as bad as mine, and at times it's hard to help him, when I can't even help myself, but we both manage to get through. I really do love him and am hoping for the best. I'm so tired of being hurt by almost everyone around me. It's getting very tiresome. But for right now, things are pretty okay. So happy we're together.
Love you always Alex.
-Stay Strong
Brooke.
His life is just as bad as mine, and at times it's hard to help him, when I can't even help myself, but we both manage to get through. I really do love him and am hoping for the best. I'm so tired of being hurt by almost everyone around me. It's getting very tiresome. But for right now, things are pretty okay. So happy we're together.
Love you always Alex.
-Stay Strong
Brooke.
It's Good To Be Back
Wow. It's been a really long time since I've posted. Things had gotten pretty bad at home. I even posted some videos of Charles and mother on youtube.com. If you want to see them, they're listed under brooke griffith, but my username there is kynima. But when summer first started, mother called the police on Charles and he is now living in a camper 2 streets away from our house. It's okay though because I'm staying with my dad.
School's out, and it's scary. I mean I did pretty good on the leap...(2 masteries, a basic, and an advanced) and over all I got a 4.0 for the school year. BUt the scary part is knowing that this year, I'm going to be freshman. AHHHH!
I've been writing a lot lately and drwing way more than normal. Summer is boring and I just want to live life. I hope to be updating more often.
Stay Strong,
Brooke.
School's out, and it's scary. I mean I did pretty good on the leap...(2 masteries, a basic, and an advanced) and over all I got a 4.0 for the school year. BUt the scary part is knowing that this year, I'm going to be freshman. AHHHH!
I've been writing a lot lately and drwing way more than normal. Summer is boring and I just want to live life. I hope to be updating more often.
Stay Strong,
Brooke.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Fucking Birthday Blues
It's my birthday. Whoo-hoo.
I awoke at about 1pm to find my dad home. He had to work half my birthday. He was already getting ready to leave. I dressed quickly. I had to go and get my haircut, make reservations, bring stuff back to walmart, buy books, go to my mom's for a party, go back to my dad's for another party, and watch fireworks.
I went to get my hair done first. The woman fucked up my whole head. I told her I wanted a platnum blond and a certain cut. She colored my hair a bright yellow and gave a bowl cut. It took her two hours. Thenshe decided she didn't like it so she re did my color. She poured chemical straight on my hair. It burned like hell. It left little blisters all over my scalp and she told me my hair PROBABLY wont fall out. I had to keep it in my hair for like an hour. I hate my hair and it hurt so bad. I wanted to kill that woman.
Once I finally got out of there it was already 7pm. My dad was pissed. He yelled at me the whole way home. I know he didn't mean it, but he had made plans ans I messed up his whole scheduale. I went home and cried as i brushed my hair. It hurt like hell and my hair looked like shit. Then I went to a party at my aunts. i was attacked by children. I got a calender.
I went to mom's. No one was at her house and she gave me a shirt from dollar gineral. I walked over to my brothers next door and hung with my sister and some of the pot heads from down the street . My brother's girlfriend was crying. A man had gotten into her face. She was upset.
I went home. I am home. I am sad. My birthday sucked.
I want to shave my head. But then little scabbs would be shown all over. I can't wait for tomorrow. This will be better.
Stay Strong-
Brooke
I awoke at about 1pm to find my dad home. He had to work half my birthday. He was already getting ready to leave. I dressed quickly. I had to go and get my haircut, make reservations, bring stuff back to walmart, buy books, go to my mom's for a party, go back to my dad's for another party, and watch fireworks.
I went to get my hair done first. The woman fucked up my whole head. I told her I wanted a platnum blond and a certain cut. She colored my hair a bright yellow and gave a bowl cut. It took her two hours. Thenshe decided she didn't like it so she re did my color. She poured chemical straight on my hair. It burned like hell. It left little blisters all over my scalp and she told me my hair PROBABLY wont fall out. I had to keep it in my hair for like an hour. I hate my hair and it hurt so bad. I wanted to kill that woman.
Once I finally got out of there it was already 7pm. My dad was pissed. He yelled at me the whole way home. I know he didn't mean it, but he had made plans ans I messed up his whole scheduale. I went home and cried as i brushed my hair. It hurt like hell and my hair looked like shit. Then I went to a party at my aunts. i was attacked by children. I got a calender.
I went to mom's. No one was at her house and she gave me a shirt from dollar gineral. I walked over to my brothers next door and hung with my sister and some of the pot heads from down the street . My brother's girlfriend was crying. A man had gotten into her face. She was upset.
I went home. I am home. I am sad. My birthday sucked.
I want to shave my head. But then little scabbs would be shown all over. I can't wait for tomorrow. This will be better.
Stay Strong-
Brooke
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