Here we go again...

I guess I haven't written in a while, you know, a hurricane can really get in the way there. Since Gustav things have gotten worse at Mom's. Just trying to help out around the house instead of staying locked in my room turns into a fight:
Mom has been yelling me to help out around the house like crazy woman( which fits). So I did. When got off the bus, no one was home. I gathered the whites and threw 'em into the wash. When I come out to put them to dry, I find out their home. They ask why I'm out of my room. I tell them I'm doing laundry. They ask me if I put the boys' school clothes in to wash too. I say I didn't know I was supposed to. I was still getting used to the fact that my sister, her three boys, and my brother-in-law had moved in next door...again. Charles just starts yelling about how I'm so irresponsible. I just say at least I'm trying to help. They tell it was a waste of water, they mean I'm a waste of space. I give up. No more trying to help. Mom now greets me by saying "Scank!" when I walk through the door. She told Charles what she called me and he just asked "why, what she wearing?" Then peered over the paper to look. I was still in my uniform. I got so upset the other day that I even blocked out why I was so mad. I can't remember now. But after I punched another whole in my door, I saw Jonathan's stuff carved into the frame work of the door. He had a Hitler sign right under his old nick name: J-dog and then the date. I grabbed a knife and went crazy. In huge letters i carved 'I HATE MY LIFE' right under his things. I cut my hands up pretty bad doing that. I don't do wood shop and i was so dizzy, my eyes to teared up, i couldn't see a thing. I couldn't even feel the pain. I remember sitting in my closet feeling my mind leave me. I just sat there huddled completely blank minded. I just chanted nothing matters over and over. It was like I wasn't even myself anymore. I felt like I had truly lost my mind.

Stay Strong-
Brooke